From Awareness to Action

Plan

Build a Safety Plan

Take it one item at a time. Your progress saves only on this device. You can clear it any time.

Three ways abusers gain control — and how to get in front of it

Tactics often look logical at first — a "dream job" that requires moving away from family, a partner who wants to "handle the bills." Couples do these things all the time without abuse. The key is keeping a way out, especially if behavior begins to change.

Financial

Controlling money, employment, or assets — denying account access, sabotaging jobs, or making financial choices that keep you trapped.

Get in front of it

  • Establish a PO Box for sensitive mail
  • Open a bank account only you can access
  • Set a goal amount; save quietly toward it
  • Keep a stream of income — a job, a side hustle
  • Never reveal your safety account to anyone

Isolation

Cutting you off from friends, family, coworkers, or other support — physically, emotionally, or digitally — to make you dependent and alone.

Get in front of it

  • Recognize the early signs
  • Keep regular outings with friends, even small ones
  • Join a class, group, or community
  • Always keep access to transportation
  • Maintain a safe contact list across multiple areas of life

Psychological

Manipulation, gaslighting, belittling, and constant criticism that erode self-worth — convincing you that you are unlovable, crazy, or to blame.

Get in front of it

  • Build a strong base of confidence outside the relationship
  • Keep your own goals and a sense of who you are
  • Have a support system you check in with
  • Learn the warning signs — not just the red flags
  • Leave before it becomes harder to leave

Your private checklist

Tap to check off. Saved only on this device.

Emergency contacts

Safe places

Financial preparation

Important documents

Hidden go-bag

Digital privacy

Code words

Planning the escape

Leaving is often the most dangerous moment. The steps below assume the abuser may be watching your phone, your car, or your routine. Take what fits your situation; ignore what doesn't apply.

This is general guidance, not legal advice. No plan can guarantee safety — but a plan can give you back a sense of control.

Step 1 — Go grey (assume you're being watched)

Disable tracking on your phone

  • Turn off Location Services, Bluetooth, Find My iPhone/Android, and Wi-Fi
  • Switch to Airplane Mode, then power the phone off
  • Check apps like Life360, Snap Map, Google Maps Timeline, shared calendars, Facebook location
  • Log out of Google, Apple ID, and iCloud — change passwords only from a safe device

Build a clean digital identity

  • Buy a prepaid phone with cash (Walmart, CVS) — never activate it near home
  • Create new email, ride-share, and banking accounts from a clean device
  • Use Incognito Mode or Tor for any escape-related searches
  • Set up a private VPN if you must go online

Step 2 — Escape day

Time the exit wisely

  • Leave when the abuser is at work, asleep, away, or distracted
  • Do not announce you are leaving — it often escalates violence
  • If leaving with children, notify the school or daycare in advance, with court orders if you have them

Evade detection on the way out

  • Leave the regular phone behind — use a burner with no contacts or cloud login
  • Cash only — no credit or debit cards tied to joint accounts
  • If you suspect tracking, mix transit: rideshare → bus → walk → friend pickup
  • Step into a public place with cameras (bank, ER, courthouse), then change direction

Hide in plain sight

  • Stay with someone the abuser doesn't know, or a DV shelter
  • Do not go to the place they would expect — even your parents' home — without security or law enforcement
  • Don't contact mutual friends or family who may pass information back

If removing tracking would set him off — outsmart it instead

Your biggest fear is real: removing a GPS or blocking his number can trigger violence. Buy yourself time by letting the tracking look normal while you slip away.

  • Don't rip the GPS out first — leave it 'alive' while you relocate so it looks like nothing changed
  • Keep the tracked vehicle parked somewhere normal: your job, a regular store, a friend's house
  • Place a decoy item in the front seat — a purse, hoodie, water bottle
  • Have a trusted person pick you up around the block, or take a rideshare from a burner phone
  • If you must keep texting them, send messages that sound like a normal day ('running late at work')
  • When you're truly ready: place the tracked phone in an old bag and turn it in to the lost-and-found at a store you frequent

Crafty ways to stash away money

If you're employed

  • Confide in one trusted coworker
  • Create a cover story — a monthly potluck or office gift fund
  • Have them send a friendly monthly reminder for your 'contribution'
  • Set an amount small enough not to raise a flag
  • Stash the cash somewhere only you can reach

If you're not employed

  • Use a store with a generous cash-return policy (e.g., Walmart)
  • Buy something easy to lose track of — kids' clothes, laundry detergent, household items
  • Return the item for cash a few days later
  • Store the cash in a spot only you know

After you're out — protecting the new life

  • Change the locks immediately if you stayed in your home
  • Change your routine — grocery stores, schools, work shift, gym times
  • Apply for an Order of Protection and notify local law enforcement
  • Sweep your car for GPS devices; reset all cloud devices and passwords
  • Enroll in your state's Address Confidentiality Program if available
  • Consider a personal alarm, pepper spray, cameras, or a self-defense course

If your abuser is a police officer, military member, or politically connected — please read When Your Abuser Has Power before reporting locally.